What if you could change your past?

I read about some of the people I went to High School with, what they are doing now, how much they have done, where they have been. It makes me wonder, would I have ever finished school if I had never been sick? What if I had never gotten cancer? Where would I be? I stop for a while and wonder what the people who were around me then would think of me now. I am pulled constantly between the yearnings of earthly success and Godly success, struggling to find which one is which. Why I wish to be successful, but fail to see it when I am. I wish to have had normalcy, but fail to see the beauty in the things I have done. I have set foot on 3 of 7 continents, and yet it seems like more of an accomplishment to have thrown a frat party, or gone to NYC with my friends. I have built homes for poor people in Mexico, yet it seems like I should have just gotten my degree and gone to get a job. I have set up two couples and they are either happily married or engaged, but I cannot find a date. I am looking for validation to my life in the places that I will never find it. Yet I continue to stand here, waiting, waiting for you to say I am worth the space I take up, and the oxygen I use.